How I cope with my fear of injections

As I sit here writing this, I have two reminders of trauma on my body.

I have a bandage on the left side of my stomach still from last night's Orencia injection.

I also have a red dot in the crook of my right arm; What seems to me a gaping maw screaming of past pain - a wound, dire and disturbing - reminds me of recent removals of vital fluids via inorganic metal forced into an unwilling body.

If it wasn't obvious, that little red dot - still healing due to a bruise from an unfortunately circumstance from a blood draw - is.. Distracting in a bad way.

I wrote previously about my fear of needles (trigger warning: childhood trauma and - of course - needles), but today I wanted to talk about the extended universe that is how I cope with it now, with the hope that it will help others who have similar pains.

Let's talk about the blood draws first.

Lab work is an unfortunate necessity for me on a regular basis; I've had so many labs done at my last annual check-up with my GP he said he wasn't going to make me go through any more because he felt I had been poked and prodded enough.

Now that I've settled into a treatment for my RA that is working well, we're able to reduce the amount of labs required; Rather than getting new labs every 2 months I'll be looking at getting them done every 6 months..

..Which can also be a negative, in that "exposure therapy" longer-term is less effective.

What does help, however, are a number things:

1. Communicating with the lab tech about my trauma. My last 2 draws were at the local medical group where my doctors are, which is now more convenient than going to the local health department since I've maxed out my max out-of-pocket with insurance and don't have to pay the higher rates they charge. This meant dealing with new people doing the stabbing; Thankfully, both recent draws were the same person. They worked with me to ensure I was comfortable, and even changed how they did one of the sets of labs so I was more comfortable and was able to get it done quicker.
2. If possible, request a room for your draw. Sometimes labs are done in a hallway-style area that has inlets for you to sit while the lab tech draws; This can cause additional discomfort because of the general visual and auditory chaos for some folks, myself included. Getting my draw done in a room where it is just myself and the lab tech makes me way more comfortable.
3. Meditate during the draw. This sounds a little woo-woo perhaps, but for me I prefer to not talk during the stick; I'll obviously grunt as the needle slides in (fuck, even writing that makes me uncomfortable), the tech will apologize, and we continue on with the process. During the draw - whether 1 vial or more - I turn my head away, close my eyes, and just focus on my breathing. I let the lab tech's words in, but don't focus on them.
4. Ask the lab tech to communicate progress. I like to know where we're at; If we're doing multiple vials, I like to know when we're done with each one. I won't respond, but I will let those words remind me that progress is being done and the foreign body inside me won't be there forever.
5. If you can, keep a bandage over the site of the draw. I say if you can because, well? I can't (at least when it comes to blood draws). I have elevated nerve sensitivity in that area in general, and placing a bandaid over it? Yeah, that is uncomfortable as hell; I have always had weird sensory issues with my skin, but bandaids in the crook of my arm are incredibly uncomfortable.. Even painful, at times. Fall/winter can't come soon enough, allowing me to wear long sleeves again.

Now, when it comes to my Orencia injection? That's different.

While I do get a fair amount of anxiety for that, there are a few things that make that much more tolerable.

1. I won't be able to see the needle penetrating me. This is huge; Even though I close my eyes for blood draws, I know if I turn and look I will see the needle. In this case? No matter what I won't be able to visualize it inside of me thanks to it being an auto-injector pen. All I see is a metal line and a plunger going down as the fluids disappear into a sightless void.
2. I can do a lot of prep-work to help me reduce discomfort. First I put on a good distracting song (that's at least 5 minutes). Next I take an ice pack and numb the area. After that? Sterilizing the site (which is actually no longer as trauma-inspiring as it used to be given the exposure to the scent). Once that's done I prep the injector pen, grab my flesh, position it, and click.. And I do not move while it's doing it's magical disappearing act. I may notice it slightly depending on how effective the ice pack was, but it's more of a "huh, that feels weird" (even with the fucking huge-ass needle - Orencia is a thicker injector apparently than others). Once it's complete I'll slowly remove the injector - do not rush this, otherwise you may end up causing yourself to bleed - release my skin, breathe, and place a bandage over the injection site and dispose of everything.
3. I then stand up and let myself curse like a motherfucker. This is a rather important part of the process for me, because nearly every time I do my Orencia injection it feels like I got punched in the gut for anywhere from 15 seconds to a full minute, and it is fucking annoying as fucking fuck.. But here's the thing: It doesn't feel like I got an injection!
4. I leave the bandage on overnight. This isn't necessary from a practical standpoint, but it ensures I won't notice anything about the injection the rest of the evening.. Somehow. This works better than a blood draw site bandage because it's on my stomach, so your mileage may vary here.

And.. That's it. That's how I cope with my fear of needles - injections and blood draws - despite getting them quite regularly.

I hope this helps those of you who are reading this with similar affectations.

You're not alone.

This post, like others that will follow it, is a continuation of my Gambling On Life series.